Children who have selective mutism are anxious. Anxiety changes from child to child and it’s for this reason that it important to understand anxiety and use the right strategies.

Today we ate going to explore 2 strategies to start using with your child.

How to Build Safety Before Speech | Selective Mutism

1. Stop Reassuring Your Child.

Yes. You read that right. I am telling you to stop doing something that sounds completely counter-intuitive, right?

I need you stop telling you child that “everything is going to be okay” and “there is nothing to worry about.” I know you have good intentions with these phrases, after all… you just want to comfort your grieving child.

However when you tell them that there is nothing to worry about, is making them feel as if their worries are not important. Maybe something is wrong with them if they are worrying. I am sure that is the opposite of what you are attempting to do.

In addition, your reassuring is not actually going to be heard. Due to the chemicals being dumped by into the brain during the moment of a crisis, your child is unable to reason or understand the reassuring comments you are trying to give them.

What can you do instead?

Validate.

Next time your child is worried and upset, let them know you hear what they are saying and you are there for them. Listen to their worries and let them know that together you will go through this.

Take a moment to take a few deep breathes. Validate their feelings and then once they have reached a state of calm you can work together to find some solutions.

2. NAME THE FEELING

When you notice that your child is worried and doe not speak , it can help later on when you are alone to try to name together the emotion they are feeling. Try the following:

I notice you are… (describe the emotion you think you see… upset, scared, frustrated, etc) Pick only one.
I see your …(describe their body movements, their breathing, their actions).
Can you name the feeling you are having?

Did I Cause My Child’s Selective Mutism? The Truth Every Parent Needs to Hear

Keep a diary or a note…

…I will write more tips..

Anna Biavati-Smith

Specialist Speech and Language Therapist

Frequently Asked Questions

“Is selective mutism caused by parenting?”

No. Selective mutism is not caused by poor parenting. However, adult responses can either reduce or increase anxiety, which is why guidance matters. Watch my video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scDi5aNgwnM&feature=youtu.be

“My child won’t talk to teachers what should I do?”

Support should focus on building safety, not pushing speech. Teachers need specific strategies, not encouragement scripts. Watch my video here: https://youtu.be/GQ2KnDK1nJ8

“Is selective mutism a form of autism?”

Selective mutism is an anxiety-based condition. Some children may have overlapping traits, but many do not. Watch my video here: https://youtu.be/nFvsQ1OYzzs

“When should I seek help for selective mutism?”

If your child has been silent in settings for more than a few months, or anxiety is increasing, early support is strongly recommended. Watch my video here: https://youtu.be/3szE1BVQxOI

Support for Parents of Children with Selective Mutism (UK & Worldwide)

Families often feel isolated, misunderstood, or blamed especially when schools lack training in selective mutism.

Support can include:

You do not need to navigate this alone.

Helpful Resources for Selective Mutism

Download free resources: https://stepstobravetalking.com/freebies
📘 Course & Masterclasses: https://stepstobravetalking.com/
👥 Join my Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/selectivemutismsupporthub
🎁 Free Parent Survival Kit: https://stepstobravetalking.com/sm-survival-kit

FREE NURTURE CALL: https://tidycal.com/sarah-norris/30-minute-meeting

Selective mutism: 2 practical tips to help with their anxiety