In this blog, I want to talk about why I believe it is so important to help all children understand selective mutism, anxiety and what it can feel like when fear gets in the way of something we want to do.

When we support a child with selective mutism, we cannot only focus on that one child and on whether or not they are speaking. We need to look at the whole environment around them.

For me, this is a whole-school approach.

If we want a child with selective mutism to feel safer at school, then the adults need to understand what is happening—but so do their peers. Children notice when another child doesn’t speak. They are naturally curious, and without an explanation they may ask questions, encourage the child to talk, speak for them, or make a big celebration when they finally hear their voice. All of this can come from kindness, but it can unintentionally increase pressure.

Instead, we can help children understand that everybody’s brain responds differently when something feels difficult or frightening. We can teach them about fear, anxiety and feeling stuck in a way that isn’t frightening or clinical, but relatable to their own experiences.

That is why I created this video. It isn’t simply a video about selective mutism, and it isn’t only for the child who is struggling to speak. It is a video I would encourage schools to show to the whole class.

Because creating the right environment for a child with selective mutism is everybody’s responsibility. It is about building a culture of understanding, inclusion and safety around the child—where different ways of communicating are accepted and where speaking isn’t placed under a spotlight.

That is what I mean when I say:

Safety comes before speech.

Have you ever felt stuck?

Have you ever really wanted to do something, but your body just wouldn’t let you?

Perhaps you wanted to jump into a cold swimming pool, but your legs wouldn’t move. Or you knew the answer in class, but when it was your turn to speak, suddenly the words disappeared.

I think most of us have experienced that feeling of being stuck in some way.

And this is exactly where I wanted to start when I created my video about Brainland, the Voice Gate and selective mutism.

Why I created this video

Over the years, I have worked with many children who can speak freely and confidently in some places, yet find talking incredibly difficult in others.

One of the things I feel very strongly about is that we shouldn’t only help the child understand what is happening.

We need to help the children around them understand too.

That is why I would really encourage teachers to show this video to the whole class, rather than singling out the child with selective mutism.

Children notice when somebody in their class doesn’t speak. They may become curious. They may ask, “Why don’t you talk?” They may try to encourage them or celebrate loudly when they finally hear their voice.

All of this is usually well-intentioned, but it can place even more attention on speaking.

Instead, we can teach children something much more helpful: everybody finds different things difficult, and communication is much bigger than spoken words.

Welcome to Brainland

In the video, I take children on a little journey through Brainland.

We visit the Thinking Place, where our ideas, memories and answers live; the Feeling Place, where all our emotions belong; and the Doing Place, which helps our body run, jump, draw, play—and talk.

Then we explore what can happen when the brain senses that something doesn’t feel safe.

The words haven’t disappeared. The child hasn’t forgotten them. They aren’t choosing not to speak.

The words are still there.

I explain this to children through something I call the Voice Gate. When the brain feels worried or unsafe, the Voice Gate can close. As safety grows, that gate can gradually begin to open again.

It gives children a simple way of understanding something that can otherwise feel very complicated.

Becoming a Brainland Helper

But perhaps the most important part of the video is what comes next.

I invite every child watching to become a Brainland Helper.

That means noticing what their classmates can do.

Perhaps someone is brilliant at drawing. Perhaps they are kind, funny, good at maths, a fast runner or simply a lovely person to play with.

Instead of asking:

“Why don’t you talk?”

children can play, smile, wave, include and connect.

And if one day they hear that child’s voice?

Just smile and carry on.

No big reaction. No spotlight. Just connection.

That is why I hope this isn’t a video that is shown privately to one child with selective mutism. Please consider showing it to the whole class.

When children understand why words sometimes get stuck, we can replace curiosity and pressure with understanding, acceptance and kindness.

And that can help make the classroom feel safer for everyone.

Safety comes before speech.

🎥 Watch the video with your class: