SELECTIVE MUTISM
Does Your Child Speak at Home but Not at Nursery or School?
Many parents arrive here because they’re worried that their child:
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Talks freely at home
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Chatters with siblings or close family
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But freezes, goes silent, or uses gestures only at nursery or school
This is one of the most common signs of selective mutism, and it often becomes noticeable when a child starts nursery, preschool, or Reception.
Parents often tell us:
“My child understands everything but won’t speak to staff.”
“They whisper at home but go completely quiet in class.”
“Everyone says they’ll grow out of it — but nothing is changing.”
If this sounds familiar, you are not overreacting and your child is not being stubborn or oppositional.
Why “Waiting It Out” Often Makes Selective Mutism Harder
One of the biggest myths parents hear is: “They’ll talk when they’re ready.”
Unfortunately, research and clinical experience show that selective mutism rarely resolves on its own especially once school routines are established.
Without the right support:
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Anxiety patterns become more ingrained
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Avoidance becomes protective
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Confidence and self-esteem can quietly erode
Early, brain-informed support can make a significant difference especially in the nursery and early primary years.
What Is Selective Mutism?
Selective mutism is an anxiety-based communication difference, not a speech or language delay.
Children with selective mutism:
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Can speak
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Want to speak
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But cannot access their voice in certain settings due to anxiety
From a brain perspective, the child’s nervous system goes into a freeze response. When the body doesn’t feel safe, speech shuts down even though language skills are intact.
This is why:
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Pressure, rewards, or “just encourage them” don’t work
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Children may appear confident at home but silent elsewhere
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Well-meaning adults can accidentally make things harder
How a Specialist Speech & Language Therapist Helps with Selective Mutism
Selective mutism requires specialist knowledge. General speech therapy or “talk more” approaches can unintentionally increase anxiety.
A selective mutism-informed Speech & Language Therapist focuses on:
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Safety before speech
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Nervous system regulation
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Building trust and predictability
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Reducing performance pressure
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Supporting adults (parents & staff) to change how they respond
Progress often looks like:
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Increased comfort in the setting
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Non-verbal communication is becoming easier
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Play, movement, and connection are increasing
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A gradual return of voice — not forced speech
Practical First Steps If Your Child Isn’t Talking at Nursery
If your child is currently not speaking in nursery or school, here are gentle, supportive steps that help:
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✔ Reduce direct questions and pressure to speak
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✔ Allow alternative communication (pointing, nodding, drawing)
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✔ Avoid praising speech in public settings
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✔ Focus on connection, play, and regulation first
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✔ Ensure staff understand that silence = anxiety, not refusal
Small changes in adult behaviour can lead to big shifts in a child’s nervous system.
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Evaluation of your child
I have a lovely therapy room where you can come and feel relaxed with your child, and my aim is to play and make your child feel at home because this will help your child to find it easier to transfer skills they were learning in therapy
My approach is to provide families with structured, individualized, step-by-step treatment. This will involve looking at all the various stages of social communication and mapping the speaking habits for a child with Selective Mutism.
A complete evaluation is provided consisting of:
- Parent and teacher assessment forms
- Parent and child interviews
- Evaluation and understanding of which stage the child is at during particular social encounters.
For useful network and further information on Selective Mutism see:
